i unearthed my long forgotten cookbook the other day in search for my grandma’s macaroni soup recipe. while flipping through the few recipes i wrote down, i stopped at the page dedicated for butter cookies.

ingredients
1 ⅔ cup of flour (200g if you’re not sure)
1 ⅓ cup of brown sugar
⅓ cup of white/washed sugar
85g of butter, softened (it’s ok to go up to 90)
1 large egg (2 if they’re small)
1-2 tsps of vanilla extract
1 tsp of baking powder

instructions

1. sift the flour.
2. in a bowl, mix butter and sugar (hand, preferably).
3. add the egg (beaten) and vanilla extract. mix to combine.
4. add flour and baking powder until the flour is thoroughly incorporated.
5. roll the dough into a ball and wrap in plastic wrap. chill for 30-40 minutes.
6. preheat the oven to 180°c. shape the dough anyway you want. if using a cookie cutter, roll the dough out with a pin. [note: you can add sugar or cinnamon (or both) on top before baking]
7. place on a baking pan please med with parchment paper and bake for 20-30 minutes.

on the side, taped onto the page with little twin stars washi tape, is a note that says “these cookies always go to a-ma in an airtight container!”

i struggled not to cry.

it didn’t always go, because a-ma gained weight and i was told to stop bringing her weekly cookies for a while, but it never picked up again because she moved onto liking other sweet treats.

when she died, i couldn’t bring myself to bake another batch. i felt so guilty for not continuing to bring her butter cookies. the guilt still lives in my heart, ugly and black, gnawing away at me.

i sent my a-ko a photo of the note and she said “ohhh you baking again soon?” and i had to pause for a minute. maybe next time, i replied.

i wonder if i’ll be able to ever bake the butter cookies again.

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚

i made the macaroni soup for easter dinner. it tasted just like my grandma's. also, my handwriting hasn't gotten better since writing the recipe down, thank you very much.

feel free to make the cookies. they're really simple ദ്ദി^•⩊•^)✧

a song as always.