another missive from a dream
the sun, edvard munch
earlier today, i had woken up after only a few hours of sleep. my state of wakefulness did not last very long. i fell asleep again not long after opening my eyes.
in my dream, everything is as it always is, only i’m looking through everything with a strange hazy filter. my grandma is there in a violet house dress. she sits still, only watching the scene folding in front of her with a smile on her face.
for some reason, there's ketchup on the coffee table. the books and the little jars that usually adorn it are strewn haphazardly on the furry red rug that my dog has recently claimed as his own daytime bed. i’m cleaning up the ketchup, a pack of paper towels in hand. i’m not doing a very good job, though. my aunt who lives with us complains about the pen i leave lying around the dining area. the pen’s leaking blue ink (it’s been that way for a while) and it drips onto the floor and the carpet. my other aunt (the second daughter who lives in america) is showing me a bunch of id lanyards.
each one bears the design of the lanyards from the school i attended in junior high. pink and grey, a cartoon rose. she tells me my cousin’s kept all the ones i gave her. she tells me i should have given my cousin one from my college. i tell her i never wore my id, only kept it in my wallet, so i had no lanyard to give. in reality, i’ve never given my cousin any of my lanyards, not from junior high or senior high or college.
my cousin is seated a little bit further from where the dream’s taking place. she says something i can’t quite hear. all i can see, strangely, are her legs.
my grandma is silent and for some reason, the filter is somewhat greyed out when i look at her. she seems frozen in time, hands folded neatly on her lap as she only listens.
i wake up again at 9am.
there’s an air of melancholy that hangs above my room.
i open my windows and slip back into bed. my dog whines at me.
i go down for lunch at 12:30.
ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚
a song as always.
today, i slept at 3am. i continued reading donna tartt's the secret history (three chapters in as we speak). i baked brownies for gabby and camille's birthdays. i read again. i watched perfect days.
i did not cry over my dream.